Family Shepherds

To neglect the instruction of our offspring is worse than brutish. Family religion is necessary for the nation, for the family itself, and for the church of God...Would that parents would awaken to a sense of the importance of this matter.

Far from calling for more, newer, and better youth ministries, Spurgeon, like his contemporaries and his predecessors, understood the crucial and irreplaceable role of the home - and particularly the role of the father as family shepherd - in the day-to-day work of resisting doctrinal error and advancing the gospel.

The Bible leaves no room for fatherhood that doesn't take seriously the responsibility of raising children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Discipling our children is not about teaching them to behave in a way that won't embarrass us. We're actually raising our children with a view toward leading them to trust and to follow Christ.

While some older people no longer live the way they used to because God has transformed their lives - they've undergone the supernatural process of sanctification - others have changed simply because they no longer have the time, energy, or opportunity to pursue their sins they continue to cherish in their hearts.

As the ancient writer Philo noted, "Among all those nations who have any regard for virtue, the older men are esteemed above the younger."

If we're going to see a generation of young men rise to the occasion and begin to disciple their families, it will be due in large part to the reestablishment of the biblical paradigm of mature believers pouring their lives into younger Christians, and demonstrating godliness and maturity to them by their daily lives.

[Referring to Ephesians 6:1-4] It is fathers - not youth ministers, children's ministers, or preschool ministers (none of which find warrant for their existence in the pages of Scripture) - who are charged with this duty of discipling the next generation.

It was not Mr. Jones, but the children's minister and youth minister who decided what direction his children's discipleship should take. Mr. Jones did not catechize his children, or lead them in family worship, or communicate a clear vision for their spiritual development.

Men who have neglected their responsibilities as their family's priest, prophet, provider, and protector will often experience pushback from their wives when they suddenly stand up to lead.

Therefore, [the family shepherd] must diligently and frequently bring before his family the things of God, from His Holy Word, in accordance with what is suitable for each person.

As family shepherds, we must not make the mistake of reducing the gospel to introductory status. The Gospel is all-encompassing.

We must not present the gospel to our children as though it were a fairy tale.

All the gospel requires from us is repentance and faith.

While repentance and faith are what the gospel requires, what the gospel produces is obedience to all the Lord's commands.

Our obedience is produced by God, not by us. This obedience is the fruit or evidence of the work of the gospel in our lives.

If we work toward getting our unbelieving children to do that which only the gospel can produce in the life of a believer, and fail to point them to the undeniable truth that there's nothing in and of themselves whereby they may obey in a manner that will satisfy God's righteousness, then we're essentially telling them they can please God on their own - something the Bible says is impossible (Rom. 8:8).

The eschatological nature of the gospel means we do not hold our wives and children to unreasonable standards. We're all fallen creatures. Perfection is a hope we hold out for the age to come.

As Martin Luther wrote, "In the catechism, we have a very exact, direct and short way to the whole Christian religion."

While it's important for the pulpit to instruct the flock (Titus 1:9) this instruction must be undergirded by more consistent day-to-day teaching.

What families regard as important is evidenced by the manner in which they spend their time. Therefore, regular family worship shows the children that their parents believe that Jesus Christ is central to all of life.

Can a man who's truly converted neglect to share the good news with his own children as early and as often as possible? Certainly not!

Family worship isn't a full-on church service every day; instead, it's a brief time of devotion before the Lord. The elements are singing, Scripture reading, and prayer. That's it! You sing together, pray together, and read the Scriptures together. Giving fifteen to twenty minutes a day to these simple practices will transform your family.

...leading a wife is the foundation upon which a man's shepherding ministry in the home is built.

...we have to view procreation as more than just having children. It is about the image of God being spread abroad throughout the earth.

The husband is to work actively and purposefully toward his wife's sanctification.

Many men live under the faulty assumption that true marital bliss consists of being in a relationship with a woman who causes him little or no grief. As a result, many marriages find themselves in peril due to a failure to view their relationship as a sanctifying work. Family shepherds must grasp this truth.

Building a marriage on the foundation of the preeminence of children is like building a house on a rented removable slab. You may have days or even years when you feel completely secure, but the day is coming when the lease will be up and the foundation upon which your home stands will be taken away.

As family shepherds, our primary mission is to love our wives as our own selves.

Most men are completely unaware of the impact their theology has on their parenting.

A true family shepherd must be a man of the Word - a man of theology and doctrine. The man who desires to lead the family he loves must also be a true lover of the Lord's Word.

Have you considered this? When you look into the eyes of your children, do you mostly see a future doctor, lawyer, or linebacker? Or do you see a person who'll spend eternity in either heaven or hell? Do you see a soul that must bow the knee to Christ?

Formative discipline begins with the reality that our children's greatest need is regeneration.

Johnny doesn't disobey because he's cranky, tired, or hungry, or because he hasn't been conditioned properly; he does it because he's a descendant of Adam.

...the fact that we cannot prevent sin [in our children] must not keep us from restraining and rebuking it. A police officer doesn't watch a criminal commit a crime and refuse to act due to his inability to change a man's heart.

We would do well to remember these four steps when our children trangress: 1) call them aside 2) tell them what precept they've broken 3) tell them what God threatens to those who so behave 4) call them to repent.

Just as elders are "examples to the flock" (1 Pet. 5:3), family shepherds are examples to the family.

My goal is not to raise children who conform to my hopes, wishes, dreams or standards; my goal is to raise children who walk in the "discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Eph. 6:4).

Eli is not being held accountable for his sons' being sinners. The Lord doesn't expect fathers to keep their children from all sin, but only that we restrain them.

If a family shepherd finds himself constantly rebuking a child, he could be dealing with a significantly strong-willed, rebellious child. However, the more likely answer is that he has spent too little time training and too much time rebuking.

Its important for family shepherds to see that their families are members of local churches so that they might be identified with Christ and his people.

There's an unfortunate tendency among some fathers who grasp the magnitude of their responsibilities in discipling their families to overcorrect when it comes to the question of biblical jurisdictions. As a result, they expend much time, energy, effort, and resources in attempting to do alone what God has called us to do together in the church.

The only thing in the history of the world that explains the existence of the very concept of the week is the creation account at the beginning of the book of Genesis. God established the concept of the week when he created the world - and in so doing, he established a barometer for our pace of life.

Every family shepherd ought at least to consider how he and his family can be involved in carrying out the church's Great Commission (Matt. 28:18-20).